It’s now public knowledge.

Originally, I didn’t make it public. In 2022, A fellow online who was one of my detractors posted it. At that point, I found it strange. How did he come to know? At that time, as far as I knew, it wasn’t widespread news. A portion of his public post read, “Abp Benjamin called him a ‘troublesome priest’ and took away his antimens for a while last year” (For those who may not know, from ancient times, antimens are vital cloths containing relics on which the Orthodox Divine Liturgy is served). The goal, it seemed, was to use this information as a further detraction. Look, even his Bishop calls him troublesome! Who knows, maybe I was a bit.

His social media post was, in basic terms, true. In September of 2020, I was suspended from priestly functions, and the antimens were removed from the church where I served. The basic reason was that I refused to implement the “Covid Guidelines” at that time. In good conscience, I couldn’t, as the “guidelines” stipulated, refuse the faithful entry into church over masks (either way); nor could I forbid the physical veneration of icons, crosses, relics, and such; nor could I use multiple spoons to distribute Holy Communion. I was indeed disobedient to the direct Diocesan guidelines.

My desire was never for a confrontation or showdown. In fact, before I was suspended, I tried to meet with a Diocesan authority to explain my stance. I was told it would be a waste of time to meet with me, since I was set in my disobedience. This was an interesting call, since we had yet to meet in person over the matter. After my request for an in-person meeting with the then Dean was refused, I received notice from the Bishop that I was suspended. It seemed like my verdict had been predetermined.

Thus began the most difficult time and trial of my life thus far, together with my family. I’m not going to unpack that here right now. It has taken me a little while to even be able to write about it in general terms.

Originally, it was stipulated that I retract my stance and fully implement the Covid measures, which were extremely strict in my diocese. September of 2020 was a time of deep agony. I had to dig deep into prayer. I remember sitting with my wife and telling her that I cannot, in good conscience before the Lord, force the drastic Covid measures. I felt they were contrary to the Gospel and sound evidence. I had to come to terms with the fact that it could be the end of my priesthood. My wonderful wife supported me, as broken as she was too. It was very hard. But I made the phone call and said that I cannot in good conscience implement the mandates. By God’s grace, for whatever reasons, I did not lose my priesthood. But the person set over my “case,” the Bishop, appointed someone other than himself, told me I had to agree to not publicly write against any standing Synodal Decrees on the matter. I agreed that I could try to do that.

Covid was a very confusing time. I recognize that there were many people trying to do what was best. So much “official” information from that time has now been shown to be false and based on lies. Most of the “fact checks” were devoid of facts. Yet, in the moment, so many emotions were played upon. A lot of people’s good intentions were manipulated. Good human impulses were hijacked for an ill-intended agenda.

Ultimately, I had to risk much for the stance that I took, which is documented on my blog. I did so because I truly believe it.

I find it helpful to reflect and look back, especially as a writer. How did the topics age? Covid is one of those topics. The particular framework of Covid is gone, but the general agendas are still in full swing. I don’t think I hit everything perfectly center, but I certainly was hitting the target. During Covid times, much of the information that I brought forward was labeled as “conspiracy theories.” Yet, it is now becoming evident that the information was factual. I briefly noted this already in a post, “Bioengineered Lies Die in the Light.” You may reference it.

The recent exposure of Dr. Fauci’s diaries sheds further proof that the whole Covid response was based on lies. Yet, it was Fauci’s guidelines that were followed so faithfully, even in churches. His “guidelines” were the foundation of most religious mandates. As one example, in my 2021 article “The Temple of Pharmakon,” I raised serious questions about Fauci’s moral character and his leadership.

The current Fauci hearings indicate that even on a social level we are far from being over the trauma of the Covid years. Deep societal trauma was inflicted through the various and drawn-out Covid “response.” We are seeing it in the news today, still. People still talk about what happened. The mix of emotions on the topic is still fairly high. It’s hard to move on without healing.

Imagine the social impact if the Government came out and apologized for the heavy-handed Covid measures? We are sorry to the children whose education was impacted, and childhood altered. We are sorry to the elderly who were isolated and lonely. We are sorry to those who lost their jobs and livelihood due to our policies. We are sorry for the increase in suicides because of our policies. We are sorry to those who were forced to choose between losing their job and an experimental vaccine. We are sorry for the slander and character assassination against those who questioned our policies. We are sorry for our tyranny.

Indeed, we must leave such a scenario to the realm of the imagination.

One of the saddest enduring realities of Covid and its effects on church life is the abuse that was inflicted upon many people, clergy and faithful, who did not follow Covid mandates. Generally, the abuse was justified because we were labeled as “disobedient.”

Granted, things were heated on both sides, the pro and the anti Covid. The anti camp could also become too harsh. As in the greater society, so in the Church body, this created trauma.

Not by a long shot was I the only clergy, in Christian conscience, to object to Covid measures. Moreover, many faithful also strove to stand firm. Yet, in the long run, I can only speak for myself.

Covid measures also varied in degree according to Jurisdictions and Bishops.

Tragically, in certain places the measures taken against those who objected were simply abusive, in line with the greater societal abuse towards those who questioned the Covid response. I’m not going to make a litany of it here, but in some cases it relentlessly lasted for years. Even then I began to see the psychological patterns. I have attempted to raise this subject with people in authority, even in person, but have not been received. So, I’m not just airing laundry online. After what my family and I went through, I believe it was psychological abuse. And I don’t use that lightly. I think others suffered the same. Yet, now it is clear we were abused for trying to stand in facts and truth because what we were asked to follow is evidently false.

Of course, there is a real sense of “Blessed are you …” and “Rejoice, when …” yet the struggle was and is still very real, as is the healing. Although these spiritual realities are potent and comforting, they are not excuses so as not to fulfill what we are called to do as the Body of Christ, that is, to heal and forgive. They are also not intended to be misused as excuses to minimize and dismiss offhand the real struggles that people have gone through, and the healing they need.

Not long ago, I attended a beneficial talk on clergy burnout. Helpful points were offered. After the talk, I approached the speaker, who was in an upper position of authority. I broached the subject of burnout from the top-down, that is, the dioceses, rather than the bottom-up, that is, simply the general vicissitudes of pastoral living. I told him most of the burnout I was suffering from was from the top, not the bottom. In fact, the top-down pressure simply compounds the inevitable bottom-up pressure. The conversation didn’t last long. It’s not a popular one.

I believe it would be very healing for those who suffered abuse to receive an apology. That seems like a very Christian thing. Families suffered. People, brothers and sisters in Christ, suffered. Human beings were actively ostracized for trying to speak their Christian conscience. Some clergy even encouraged this.

Last year I was at the AAC of the OCA in Phoenix, AZ. A fellow who had been in the upper places of my Diocese approached me and whispered in my ear, “Father, I’m sorry for what happened to you and your family.” He said a bit more along those lines. We had a short whispered conversation. I thanked him for his kindness. And as good as such things are on a very personal whispered level, imagine if we didn’t feel like we needed to whisper about it.

I certainly don’t consider myself to be a person who needs labels. But after a few events and dialogue with some people with solid counseling experience, and after listening to the talk on clergy burnout, I certainly have come to terms with the fact that I bore some psychological scarring (I use that term in a sense deeper than the modern usage). One event made it very clear. One particular priest really led the pogrom against me on the local level, which lasted up until the end of 2023. He was rather relentless. Later, he was gone, but I had to go to an event at a place that held a lot of memories of him. The event triggered what almost felt like an anxiety attack that led to a terrible migraine (which rarely, if ever, happens to me). If I liked labels, I could probably substantiate that I had a bit of PTSD from the abuse. It wasn’t the first or last time that events around the whole Covid thing would trigger physical reactions in me. As much as I stood as faithful as I could during Covid, I realized that I still came out with wounds; I’m still very human. Sadly, it felt very much like, “I received these in the house of my friends.”

The whole of society during Covid was subjected to psychological abuse, manipulation, and propaganda. It was a very well-oiled machine. I recognize that the spirit behind Covid was one that sought to stamp out any opposition. In typical fashion, for those familiar with history, it painted the naysayers as socially dangerous. Who remembers the propaganda of “the unvaccinated are the problem!”? Even though many vaccines have had a multitude of bad effects and the Covid injection has a host of issues.

I witnessed clergy who were very obedient to the Covid measures advanced and given awards. Those who were not obedient were (and sometimes it seems still are) actively and then passively punished, even those who served faithfully and sacrificed much for many years. It was a clear message. Covid enforcement brought reward; questioning Covid brought rejection. Faithful service was not valued if Covid measures were not followed.

A priest is not a lone man; he has a family. The family already carries a lot of burdens. When a priest who conscientiously objected to Covid measures is inordinately punished and actively neglected, his whole family is neglected and suffers. Wives suffer. Children suffer. This might be one of the hardest things for a priest to bear. It’s hard to watch your family suffer. Thus, the psychological abuse inflicted on the priest is also inflicted on his family. This also applies to family units in general, not just priestly ones. A very difficult thing is that no pastoral care or concern has been shown for families that may have suffered. Many just suffered in silence. Not because that was what they wanted but because they were silenced. Or worse yet, the impression is given that it was all their own fault; they are the problem. Many families, not just priests’ families, were absolutely failed on the pastoral level. It seemed that no thought was given to their sufferings. In fact, I have spoken to some who feel that there seemed to even be a desire to break them. Many felt like the man beset by robbers, and the priest and Levite just passed him by. Thankfully, there is a Good Samaritan.

I look back and see that my family and I went through all this, not because I was peddling “conspiracy theories” but because I, and others, challenged a false narrative with truth.

I confess, this entailed being disobedient to certain episcopal Covid mandates. I figure a robustly healthy conversation about obedience would be very helpful, but not in this post. When the narrative is false, must we obey it? Or is our obedience to truth? Does the Church teach blind obedience? And may we have the freedom to search for that truth, even when situations are very complicated? What are the fruits of denying that freedom of Christian conscience and dialogue?

In 2023, when I published the article, “You May Not, Not Kiss the Icons,” a certain priest started an email list with other clergy in which the article and I were to be disavowed. I finally called him up personally after my insistence that email lists are not the proper place to address serious concerns. In this heated conversation, I directly asked him, “Please tell me the error in the article? If I wrote that article before Covid mandates, would it have received your attention?” To his credit, he admitted that pre-Covid the article would be white noise, but post-Covid it acted to discredit Covid mandates and justify disobedience to them. It also, he said, condemned anyone who followed certain Covid mandates. I realized that the mandates were the most important things to uphold. Somehow, the mandates were a test of allegiance. I clearly failed and thus was denied fellowship in the “brotherhood.” I invited him to send me a written rebuttal to the article and how it was wrong. I never received it.

It is all very sad. I find myself wondering about it all. Especially as more has come fully to light regarding the Covid lies. Covid brought only disastrous fruit.

The brokenness still lingers. May the Lord help us.

But now imagine if we in the Church could publicly ask for forgiveness. Forgive us because we thought the measures would keep people safe, but they also did great damage. Forgive us for following the model of the world. Forgive us for closing churches when people needed them the most. Forgive us.

I believe it would be very healing and Christian for everyone to receive an apology.

So, on my part, please forgive me. Forgive me for any way in which I may have reacted, or written, out of pain, frustration, bitterness, overzealousness, lack of charity, condemnation, or in any other way. Forgive me.

But on behalf of others, may forgiveness be asked of those who suffered rejection and were ostracized because of Covid mandates? May we, as the Body of Christ, now confess that the Covid responses were based in great part on a man, Dr. Fauci, and those behind him, who was clearly leading by lies? May we now authentically “follow the science”, the solid information, that reveals that Covid mandates were misguided and damaging. This would not be to rub anyone’s nose in anything, nor to gloat over being correct; rather, to follow the Christian way of healing.

Since the mandates in many places were public and publicly enforced, may a public apology be issued by Christian leadership to the faithful?

May an apology be given to the clergy who were suspended and persecuted because they would not follow the Covid mandates? May an apology be given to their families that suffered? May we name it, and then embrace each other, “God forgives, and I forgive?” Rather than sweeping it under the rug, may we throw it out into the dumpster? I believe public forgiveness will do this. May we lead the way in the Church and do what our greater society won’t do, and that is ask forgiveness of one another?

I certainly cannot demand anything, but I certainly may offer up a brotherly request.

The world looks for people to crucify and blame, but in Christ Jesus we are healed through forgiveness and truth. Remembrance is not for retribution but for reconciliation and healing. If the world is going to be healed to any degree, it seems to me that Christians have the opportunity of leading the way. Let the forgiveness and healing start in the house of the Church, the house of the Lord.

Although almost all the articles on this blog are written by me, I’m setting my name at the bottom of this post in earnest of my request.

Priest Zechariah Lynch