BREAKING NEWS: Local Christian Man Defies the Emperor’s Law and Smashes Statues of Deities

Thracian Times.

Severius Mendax, reporting.

Yesterday, on July 17th, 362, the Thracian town of Dorostolon was honored with a visit from representatives of our great Emperor Julian.

The goal of the visit was to ensure the Emperor’s civil orders that outlaw the troublesome Christian sect are being implemented. Dorostolon was initially found to be in stellar compliance with the government mandates. There were no Christians found in the town at all. Its leaders received great commendation and gracious rewards from the Emperor’s representatives.

So as to recompense the population for its obedience, and to encourage, and reinforce further strict adherence to government commands, the Emperor’s representatives held a grand festival for the town. The festivities started in the day and lasted long into the night.


Yet, a blemish was soon exposed, and great civic duty was soon marred by severe civil disobedience.

While the whole population was gathered together in unity and solidarity, a lone individual selfishly carried out deplorable actions that have brought disgrace upon the whole town.

During the night of the festival, a certain citizen by the name of Emilian prowled around and unlawfully destroyed numerous statues of our illustrious gods with a sledgehammer.

This heinous disregard for local and national civil law was originally thought to be carried out by a local peasant. Yet, Mr. Emilian, upon hearing of the peasant’s arrest, turned himself in, saying, “If I conceal my works, what benefit would I receive from what I did? Would I not be found before God to be the murderer of that innocent man.”

Such is the delusion of this person that he thinks that his acts are of benefit. Also implicit in this saying is that the Emperor’s mandates are contrary to the laws of His God. The population of Dorostolon is outraged by his clear disregard for their faith and the current laws.

A Mr. Arilious commented, “This Emilian is clearly a selfish and uncaring fellow. I mean, the whole town is following the law of the Emperor with great diligence, and this has brought us together in a meaningful way. And this pompous fellow has to smash all statues of our gods?! He has completely ruined the wonderful unity that we had and shamed us all before our Emperor.”

Another citizen stated, “I thought these Christians were supposed to obey the civil authorities. It is clear that the law of the land has said it is not in the best interests of our Empire to be a Christian. They should just obey the law, I thought that they were commanded to do so in what they consider to be their sacred writings. Such egotistic disregard for our community and civil law is sick. Who does this Emilian guy think he is anyway? These kinds of people are toxic.”

One of the town leaders issued this statement, “We are greatly sorrowed that although our town was recognized as being a leading example in upholding the law of our Emperor, one dishonorable person was found in our midst. This person does not represent the values of our illustrious town. He is a renegade and his actions further prove the great necessity and validity of our Emperor’s law which clearly bans all Christian practices. Such people have the audacity to believe that they must follow the law of their purported God when the edicts of human governments are in clear contradiction thereto. Obviously, such ones are a threat to our social well-being and every conscientious citizen should eagerly expose and report any Christians and their anti-state activities. Only together can we vigilantly fight the lawless Christians. Right now the safest and surest thing to do is follow the law, the Emperor only has the best interests of his nation in mind. Let’s all be model citizens and help support our Empire and rulers.”

Such actions on the part of those who claim to be Christians further exemplify the soundness of our Emperor Julian’s legal decrees which ban all Christian services. All those who espouse this subversive ideology are clearly violating their duty to obey the civil authorities. For the good of the Empire and the well-being of your neighbor, we call upon all Christians to obey the clear laws of the state, renounce your faith and practices, and obey the Empire.

The local government authorities have made it clear that such disregard for the Emperor’s executive orders, such intolerance of the faith and sensibilities of others, and such hateful actions towards other citizens will not be tolerated.

Yet when questioned as to his motive in destroying what Mr. Emilian calls “lifeless idols,” he defiantly stated, “God and my soul ordered me to destroy those lifeless pillars that you call gods.”

So to protect the great diversity of our Nation, such narrow-mindedness must be eradicated. Mr. Emilian is clearly mentally unstable for thinking his God desires the destruction of our gods. This proves how detrimental Christianity is to our Empire.

All loyal citizens are called upon to report any suspicious activities or acts of noncompliance. All loyal citizens must be the eyes and ears of the Empire and report any person who violates the law. This is for the greater good and well-being of all. We are all in this together.

Mr. Emilian will be flogged and then burned at the stake. A fate most in Dorostolon feel he justly deserves.

(The Holy Martyr Emilian is commemorated on July 18/31.)

One thought on “BREAKING NEWS: Local Christian Man Defies the Emperor’s Law and Smashes Statues of Deities

  1. Mary

    Thank you Fr for a very unique way of writing about current issues and based in Orthodox values, so glad I came across one of your Instagram posts! A little prayer if I may ask for I am distraught at the happenings in the world at this point worrying for my grandchildren.Humble thanks!


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